I wanna bring you to show and tell
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
vagina is talking i cant
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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