Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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