yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
