There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
