1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
