i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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