I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
