I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
