if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
