Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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