Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
