her vagine was all disorganized.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
