She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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