I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
