Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
