then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
