I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
