So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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