I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
