Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My ass is underappreciated
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
