just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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