Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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