Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
