when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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