I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
