Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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