So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
