Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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