as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
