so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
