why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
