You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
