dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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