SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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