u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
