Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
