She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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