I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
