she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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