Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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