Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
