I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
