so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
