Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
