i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
