I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
