She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think your dad took our porno
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
