I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i dont even know how to be here
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
