where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
