if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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