I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is my gift to your gina
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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