I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
