i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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