I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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