the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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