theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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