if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
